I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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