dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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