You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
