im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
