DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
