Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
