Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize