my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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