I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
