Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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