my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
