Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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