We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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