Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
