Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
