Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
