i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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