Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
