sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
