I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
