smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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