hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
