my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
