All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
