after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
