sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
