He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
