I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
