Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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