i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
