Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
