His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
