Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
