It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
