We're facebook friends in real life
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
