After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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