nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
