$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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