What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
