I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
