Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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