turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
