I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
