I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
