She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
