Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
