piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
