btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
