Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
