Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
40s are totally the cure
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am mentally ready for anal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
