Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Actions speak louder than pants.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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