kristin has been a bad kristin
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
not ubering you a puppy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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