lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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