i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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