I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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